Suman Johal shares her perspective on South Asian marriage, exploring the cultural expectations, intergenerational dynamics, and relationship pressures that can arise for couples navigating family life.
Marriage holds deep cultural and emotional significance in South Asian communities. It is often understood not only as a partnership between two individuals, but as a union of families. While this can create a strong sense of connection and shared responsibility, it can also introduce unique challenges that are not always openly and easily discussed.
One of the most common expectations within South Asian marriages is living with in-laws. Although this arrangement can offer financial stability, childcare support, and close family bonds, it can also place significant pressure on a new couple as they learn how to navigate their own relationship as newlyweds.
Living With In-Laws and Intergenerational Expectations
For many couples, living with parents or extended family is seen as a cultural norm rather than a choice. This expectation is often rooted in values such as respect for elders, family unity, and caregiving responsibilities. However, when multiple generations share one household, differences in expectations can become more visible and challenging to navigate.
Intergenerational challenges may arise around household roles, privacy, communication styles, emotional expression, and decision-making. Older generations may expect traditions to be upheld in familiar ways, while younger couples may be balancing cultural values within their relationship, careers, and personal identities. Living within the same space can intensify these differences and make it difficult for couples to establish their own routines and sense of autonomy.
The Impact on the Couple Relationship
When expectations from family members are high, couples may feel caught between maintaining harmony and protecting their relationship. Over time, this can affect emotional connection and communication in the relationship. Some couples find they have limited privacy or quality time together, they struggle to speak openly with one another, or feel unsupported when family tensions arise.
In some situations, one partner may feel responsible for managing family expectations while the other feels isolated or unheard. When these experiences are not addressed, resentment and emotional distance can slowly develop within the relationship and begin to take a negative toll.
Supporting the Relationship as a Couple
Although these dynamics can feel overwhelming, there are ways couples can support one another while navigating family expectations. Prioritising the couple’s relationship is essential. Making intentional time for private conversations and shared experiences helps strengthen emotional intimacy, even within a busy or shared household.
Open communication between partners is also important. Discussing expectations privately and approaching family-related decisions as a team can reduce misunderstandings and help couples feel more united. Clarifying roles and boundaries early can prevent ongoing tension. Boundaries do not mean disrespect, rather, they create clarity and emotional safety for everyone involved.
Feelings of guilt are common when couples begin to set limits, particularly within collectivist cultures. Recognizing guilt as a natural emotional response rather than a sign of wrongdoing can help couples make decisions with greater compassion and confidence.
How Couples Counselling Can Help
Couples counselling can provide a supportive space for South Asian couples to explore relationship dynamics within the context of cultural and family expectations. Counselling is not only for relationships in crisis. Many couples choose therapy as a way to prepare for marriage, strengthen communication, and develop tools to navigate challenges before they escalate.
Through counselling, couples can work on improving communication, navigating in-law relationships, establishing healthy boundaries, and strengthening emotional connection. The goal is not to choose between culture and personal wellbeing, but to find balance in a way that honours both.
Moving Forward
South Asian marriages are often grounded in strong values of family, loyalty, and resilience. At the same time, healthy marriages require space for emotional safety, mutual respect, and partnership. Acknowledging the impact of living with in-laws and intergenerational expectations allows couples to approach these challenges with greater awareness and intention.
Support can make a meaningful difference. Seeking counselling is not a sign of failure, but a proactive step toward a healthier and more connected relationship.
Book a couples counselling session today to explore how you and your partner can strengthen your relationship, improve communication, and feel more supported as you navigate marriage and family expectations together. Take the first step toward better mental health today by connecting with one of our counsellors.