Jas Hundal, RCSW, explores how men in the South Asian community often struggle in silence due to cultural and family expectations to repress their emotions. The term South Asian includes people originating from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, and Nepal.
In many South Asian cultures, emotional expression is often viewed as a vulnerability, especially for men. The societal norms, traditional values, and family expectations that shape our identities can lead to a complicated relationship with emotions. For South Asian men, this struggle can be even more pronounced, as many are raised in environments where toughness and masculinity are prized over emotional openness.
The Cultural Context
South Asian cultures often emphasize collectivism, respect for authority, and maintaining family honor. These values, while promoting strong family bonds and a sense of community, can also discourage vulnerability. In many households, emotional expression, particularly among men, may be seen as a sign of weakness or inadequacy. This cultural conditioning often leads to the belief that real men don’t cry, don’t share their feelings, and don’t let others see their struggles.
From a young age, South Asian boys are often taught to “man up” and suppress their feelings. Phrases like “Munde ni ronde” (Boys don’t cry) or “Banda Banja” (Be a man) are commonly heard, reinforcing the idea that vulnerability is a trait reserved for women or children. This emotional repression is not limited to any particular class or region—it is a pattern that cuts across socioeconomic lines.
The Emotional Cost
The emotional cost of this cultural mindset can be profound. When emotions are bottled up, they often manifest in unhealthy ways. Anxiety, depression, and even anger can simmer beneath the surface, leading to a range of mental health challenges. South Asian men, in particular, are at an increased risk of experiencing mental health and addiction issues without seeking help. Studies have shown that men from South Asian backgrounds are less likely to reach out for mental health support, partly due to the stigma attached to seeking help.
Additionally, the pressure to meet societal expectations—whether it’s excelling academically, being the primary financial provider, or maintaining the family’s honor—can further strain emotional wellbeing. These unspoken expectations can often leave South Asian men feeling isolated, misunderstood, and trapped in a cycle of emotional suppression. Often, they seek other ways to release their emotions and some unhealthy coping strategies include alcohol, drugs, gambling and behavioural addictions.
The Silent Struggle: Family Dynamics
Family dynamics play a significant role in shaping emotional expression in South Asian men. In many cases, the family unit is tightly knit, and the expectations placed on the eldest son or male figures are immense. South Asian men are often expected to be the “pillar” of the family, a role that demands emotional restraint. They may feel compelled to suppress their own needs and emotions to maintain harmony and fulfill family responsibilities.
The fear of disappointing parents or not living up to the family’s expectations can create an inner conflict. On one hand, they may feel the need to be emotionally available for their family; on the other hand, they may not feel permitted to ask for support for themselves. This creates an environment where the emotional needs of South Asian men are neglected or ignored, even within the family setting.
Shifting the Narrative
While traditional views around emotional expression are deeply rooted, there is hope for change. The younger generation of South Asian men is increasingly challenging these norms, as they navigate the complexities of mental health, emotional wellness, and identity in a globalized world. The rise of social media, mental health advocacy, and South Asian role models openly discussing mental health issues are slowly but surely shifting the narrative.
There is also a growing recognition that emotional expression is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. A man who can express his emotions, seek help to improve his life, and nurture his mental wellbeing is setting an example for future generations. The more South Asian men speak out about their struggles, the less taboo mental health becomes in the community.
Taking Action: Tips for South Asian Men to Express Emotions
If you’re a South Asian man struggling to express your emotions, know that you’re not alone. Here are a few steps you can take to begin breaking free from emotional repression:
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, or overwhelmed. Accepting your emotions is the first step toward healing.
- Talk to Someone You Trust: Whether it’s a friend, a family member, or a professional, having someone to talk to can make a world of difference. Find a safe space where you can open up without fear of judgment.
- Reframe Cultural Beliefs: Understand that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. Challenging outdated beliefs can be empowering for both you and the next generation.
- Seek Professional Help: If you find it difficult to navigate your emotions on your own, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist or counselor. You don’t need to be in distress to access help, and there’s no shame in asking for help when you need it.
- Practice Self-Care: Make time for activities that help you relax and connect with your inner self. Whether it’s exercise, playing sports, being part of a team, or simply spending time alone, self-care is essential for emotional well-being.
- Support Others: By supporting fellow men in your community, you can create a more open and supportive environment. Share your experiences and encourage others to do the same.
Conclusion
The journey toward emotional expression for South Asian men is not easy, and it’s certainly not linear. However, the more we challenge the cultural stigma around vulnerability and mental health, the more space we create for future generations to embrace their emotions without fear. Breaking the silence around emotional struggles can lead to healthier, happier lives—both for individuals and the community at large. It’s time to stop hiding behind stoic facades and start embracing the richness of our emotional lives.
Have you found it helpful to talk to a professional counsellor about your emotions? Share this article with a loved one or friend that may be struggling and need some guidance on how to seek help. If you’re looking for more resources or want to connect with others on this journey, don’t hesitate to reach out to us info@jashundal.com. Book your appointment with one of our culturally inclusive counsellors today.