The South Asian community is rich in culture, traditions, and values, yet it often grapples with complex conversations around sexuality. Navigating these topics can be challenging, especially given the diverse perspectives shaped by family, religion, and societal norms. Additionally the culture of silence around sexual health can often have a negative impact on mental health. We know the benefits of sex include an improvement in mood and increased emotional intimacy with your partner. The release of endorphins and oxytocin during sex allow us to connect on a deeper more intimate level. However, for many in the South Asian community, discussions about sexuality can feel taboo. Traditional views often emphasize heteronormativity and conservative values, making it difficult for individuals to express their views. It is imperative that we start to challenge these barriers due to their significant impact on mental health and well-being.
Jas’s Story:
I first learned about sex in Grade 5 Sex Ed class and my teacher spared no detail to describe sexual intercourse, menstruation, and forms of contraception. That day I came home and innocently explained to my mom what I had learned. Her reaction was of intense anger, abruptly she told me to stop talking and never to speak of such things again. Then followed a long lecture about western culture and the garbage that was being taught to kids in school. I remember feeling ashamed, confused and guilty because I thought I had done something wrong”.
Not surprisingly most of us have similar stories of being introduced to sexual topics in a way that made us feel ashamed, guilty and very confused. The fear of being judged by others often leads many South Asians to remain private about their sexuality. The stigma, shame, and secrecy surrounding sexuality can contribute to mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
Challenges and Barriers:
While progress is being made, challenges still remain. Stemming from a tradition-bound, conservative culture, conversations on sex and sexuality within South Asian communities have long been marked by shame, blame and at the very best, neglect
Religious Beliefs – Most religious teachings will promote abstinence until marriage and see sex before marriage as immoral. Those who deviate from these teachings may feel extreme guilt and shame acting on their desires.
Family Honor – The concept of family honor is deeply ingrained in South Asian cultures. Maintaining the respect and honor of the family is often bestowed in the purity of the woman of the household. Men will often escape that pressure to preserve their virginity or conform to any societal pressures to abstain from sexual desires.
Norms – The discussions of sex and sexual health are often silenced due to traditional views. Common norms such as, “sex should only take place between people who are married” or “sex should only happen between a man and a woman” or “sex should only be for procreation, not pleasure,” often lead to frustration, low mood, shame, guilt, and secrecy around sexual issues.
Gender Roles – Conservative gender roles can impact sexual behaviour in different ways for men and women. Women will have stricter controls over their sexuality, while men may be expected to exert dominance over their partners sexuality. Intimacy issues in the relationship often go unaddressed as many woman are not able to express their sexual needs with their partner.
Sexual Orientation and Identity – LGBTQ+ individuals may face significant stigma and discrimination within their communities. Coming out can be fraught with fear of rejection, loss of familial support, and community ostracism.
Sexual Health and Education – The lack of comprehensive sex education in many South Asian communities can lead to misinformation and harmful practices. Sexual health discussions are often obsolete, leading to sexual health issues. Too often young woman will not practice safe sex or use birth control because of the risk that others will find out that they are sexually active.
Marital Expectations – The increased pressure to marry and produce offspring can conflict with personal sexual preferences, leading to distress and unhappiness.
Looking Ahead: A Vision for Acceptance
As we start to create space for dialogue there is growing recognition that more progressive viewpoints are needed. Exploring sexuality within the South Asian community is a journey filled with challenges and triumphs. By breaking down barriers and encouraging open dialogue, we can work toward a future where everyone feels free to express their true selves. By fostering open conversations, sharing personal stories, and supporting one another, we can create a community where everyone feels valued and accepted. Together, we can celebrate the beautiful tapestry of identities that make up our community.
Reaching out for therapy regarding sexual concerns can be a transformative experience. By identifying your needs, finding the right therapist, and engaging openly in the process, you can work toward healthier relationships and greater self-understanding. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and you deserve support on your journey to well-being. We are here to help you start the conversation and have therapists that are experienced sexual anxiety, addiction and intimacy issues. Contact us today for an in person counselling session in Abbotsford or virtual services anywhere in BC!